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  • Writer's pictureDavid Hamblin

The Dressing Up (Ballot) Box

Politicians seemingly love to dress up for every job except the one that they currently occupy. Sleeves rolled up and tie tucked in? We're off to a hospital dressed as a doctor (let's face it probably a Consultant. Not a junior doctor or 'doctors in training' as a soon to be ex Health Secretary likes to call them - and I appreciate that the BMA use the term but the difference in intent is significant). Hard hat and high vis? It's time to play engineer (oh for the days of the closed shop so we could at least get union dues out of the grandstanders). Impersonating a police officer is a serious offence unless it's part of an announcement about a crackdown on civil liberties... There are of course political pitfalls to wearing a stab proof vest in areas that you would otherwise cheerfully stroll down in your normal clobber.


Of course the pinnacle of the genre is military camouflage. You get to play soldiers and if you've been good they may let you play in a tank. (Cards on the table if I had the opportunity I would be in and out of a Chinook like no one's business - all the while asking the pilot to crank up Frank Klepacki's Hell March from Red Alert on the non existent sound system - but I would like to think I'd have the decency to acknowledge it for the jolly that it is).


So why do they do it? Maybe if politicians look like 'normal' people then those self-same people will be inclined to vote for the person with a carpet bag overflowing with outfits. Although it's of note how often those outfits have the air of perceived aspiration or the professional. Let's see politicians put in multiple shifts as a care worker (Nadia Whittome has done so), an Amazon warehouse worker, or a much maligned member of the teaching profession


Being of a Health & Safety disposition I am of course in favour of MPs et al wearing the correct PPE when doing site visits (I hear Baroness Mone can hook you up but I can't vouch for the quality). So what do I expect MPs to wear on their jaunts (and for the most part they are jaunts - real fact finding would take place over days and weeks¹ rather than a swift choreographed half hour and a photo op)? Their own bloody clothes which are appropriate for the task would be a start.


In the union world there is the saying that 'like recruits like'. This isn't based on appearances but on a shared experience. You want to build membership in a certain department? Find out if you have a member there as they will have more direct shared experiences than someone who is not. Ultimately the commonality of being workers can be enough but that is because it is a solid foundation. Just wearing the same clothes in some grotesque act of mirroring is reducing that sense of solidarity to the equivalent of being a political pick up artist.


Of course I am overlooking the priceless (as The Simpsons would say: the good kind of priceless) experience that many MPs get from their second jobs (and their third, fourth, fifth...). Seldom do we see our elected representative don the explicit raiment of lobbyist in chief or non executive director. The oft repeated Robin Williams line that politicians should wear overalls like NASCAR drivers emblazoned with their sponsorships springs to mind.


Members of Parliament should be paid and it should be a solid living wage (it was a Chartist demand for crying out loud. Although to be fair so was annual elections...). Becoming a Member of Parliament should preclude employment elsewhere for the duration of your tenure. You want a statutory instrument to ensure MPs have the right to go back to their previous job? I'll help draft the Megaphone petition. Need to log a certain number of hours a year to uphold professional qualifications? Let's compile a list and carve out some exceptions for the social good. Have a burning desire to sell your access and influence to the highest bidder? Not so much. We Need To Talk About Bevan has plans for a deeper dive into this subject in the New Year.


Ultimately I'd like to see the tables turned and have more representation in parliament from those that actually work in the disciplines from the dressing up box. That in itself is not a blueprint for my politics per se to be in ascendence but it would at least mean our representatives are more, well, representative. It may also reduce their fondness for dressing up for the jobs they wished they once had but have no interest in ever entering the roles in question.


In the interim perhaps more members of the House of Commons could try and cosplay as politicians of integrity. If that's hard for them, maybe they can imagine that it's a jolly....




¹ The Armed Forces Parliamentary Scheme actually fits the bill rather well yet the time commitment doesn't play well with the hurly burly of political leadership.




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